I am absolutely flustered when...

I make an off the cuff judgment, or lose my temper and then someone says, "That's not cool, aren't you planning on being a social worker?".
That one phrase drives me crazy, for some reason it makes me feel like I should become this zen master Buddha and deny any form of anger, frustration, excited feelings and what not. Take everything with a grain of salt and just be like "Whatever happens, happens, let's go hug a tree..." It's like I am some super hippy that should love everything, but I don't. If it makes me a bad social worker, then I guess someone should suggest a new career path, but I think that I am only human, and I can't be perfect, especially when I am but a young freshman.

FELIZ NAVIDAD!

Home For the Holidays

This is the milestone in being that it is the first year that I am coming home for an extended holiday in my college experience. Some people see it as a rite or passage, maybe growing up and experiencing a new path in life, but to me, it shows a shift, a symbolizing of growing up and moving on. Honestly, it is a bit scary sometimes. I am the youngest child, and so to come home for the first time after an extended absence from home feels strange. The elders are getting ready to move on in their lives, and at this time next year, we may not all be together the same way that we are now. A few years ago, I would have probably had a full blown anxiety attack, but now, I am starting the accept the changes, maybe not as gracefully as I would like, but I am accepting them.

For example, when did my parents start to look so tired? I know that a part of it is due to taking care of my grandparents, but the age is starting to show on their faces. They are no longer the invincible pair that I once saw. This year, I may be watching tv show marathons with my siblings, but they will be graduating soon, and I could possibly be braving this four week vacation by myself, without a job.

At the same time, I cant help but rejoice in life moving on. I am finally studying the area that I wanted to study as a student working with people. For once, I am at a school, where I don't hate myself or the people as much as I used to just a few years ago. People are starting to see me a little faster than they used to, and I am growing even deeper in my relationships that count. Even though the environment of this year may not be the same next year, I can smile and know that no matter what, I will have these memories and deepening relationships with the people I know and love.

Tis The Season

The most stressful week at the end of the semester is the one before finals. It feels as though all of the professors have realized that they have a crapload to catch up on. This is not one sided of course. Every student realizes that the assignments they were supposed to be working on all semester will be due in about three days time. I would say that coffee distributors make a lot of money during these times, although I personally do not drink it myself.

My workload is not too bad, but at the same time, I am trying to finish all of my Christmas shopping for the best type of values possible. It is a not so very nice task, and I really would enjoy taking a nao, but I think I can pull all of this work off, well I kind of don't have a choice, merit scholarships come with GPA requirements. I swear the roomie has less than I do. I barely see her going to class and in her spare time she has been playing farmville and making like 20 candycane decorations and hanging them on our door outside. How she manages to have enough time to do soemthing like that is beyond me. The most mysterious wonders in the world begin in my head. Only one and a half more weeks and I will be home.



Credit: Refracted Moments at Flickr

Living in Filth

Okay, so I just spent the better half of my day cleaning my dorm room. I usually pick up my stuff and then dust, but today I went even farther and vacuumed as well. What I have just realized is that despite the fact that my dear roommate has all of the cleaning supplies, she has failed to clean anything since we have arrived. She goes home a lot of weekends, but during the week, when she is not in classes, chances are she is in the room on facebook. Now, if she did not have time, I would understand, but seeing as she had all the time in the world to paint a big ass turkey on our window, I think it is safe to say that she has time. Her vacuum is also about the size of a cat, so you know, it's an effective time saver...
When I first came to college, I was worried about being the messy roommate, but now that I am here, I see that I am the cleaner one. This in itself is a massive revelation, and I hope that I can keep it up.
As for the shy boy who liked me, I am not sure what will become of that one. I hear he has been denying that he likes me and no longer acknowledges my presence any longer when we pass each other. My friends are probably more upset than I am, but that's how life works I guess.

Today is the national day for To Write Love On Her Arms (TWLOHA). I have done my duty for support. The only downside to actually having the day in November, is that it is too cold to just walk around with an exposed arm. For those of you who have no idea what I am even talking about, TWLOHA is a non-profit organization supporting people who struggle with depression, self injury, addiction, etc. A really good cause, and if you missed the day this year, there's always next year!

The Roommate

I realize that colleges try to match people with their roommates based on personality, but in my opinion they screwed up with me. Before I went to college, I e-mailed my roommate and through e-mail thought we would be good friends. Come move in day, I found it wasn't the case. My roommate was not what I expected, she was awkward and quiet, and I just didn't feel comfortable at all. It only took a few weeks for me to have a good group of friends, and yet she had none at all. She took to following us around, inviting herself to dinner or any activity we were going to.

It would be unfair to say that she is weird, but she is definitely someone I would never hang out with. Her stories are not funny, and after she's done with them, the whole room will go quiet on account of having nothing to say. Coming into college she had a boyfriend, but I never really heard much about him. She was never even on the phone. When they broke up, she was sad, but I had a hard time feeling sympathetic. How can you show sympathy for someone who won't even talk to their significant other on the phone?

She never leaves the room unless she's in classes. She does eat with other people sometimes, but it's at the point where I can barely stay in my room. The case of the awkward roommate. Hopefully next year will be better.
Credit: ehow.com

The Cost of Simple Living

First off, Happy Halloween! I hope that everyone has had a chance to join in on the celebration and dress up! I admired the awesome costumes I saw on the street. Quailman, Gumby, Scuba diver and the kid from Where the Wild Things Are. Completely creative. Some of the other ones, not so awesome including anything with the word sexy in it. I saw a whole lot of unwanted ass today.

Other than that, I have found that in college, girls have made it a habit of spending $30-60 for about a foot of fabric just so they can make guys look and maybe touch if they have consumed enough alcohol. If I crack the window open, I can hear drunk people partying it up on the sidewalk outside, listening to them scream about how they stumble. It's becoming the soundtrack of my weekends.

This year I have chosen to stay out of the festivities. Due to illness and no desire to take part in this ritual, I went into the city with one of my friends and ate, did some shopping, and wandered around. Now we sit in my room watching Law and Order SVU; life could not get any better. I am aware that this sounds like a boring Halloween, but I am happy with what I have chosen to do. There is one wrinkle in my night though; since when were there prices on bodily functions?




My friend and I had to use the bathroom, and ended up walking three blocks before we found an available restroom. Every store had told us that there was no bathroom. It was like seeing water in a drought. We were so happy. Unfortunately, there was a catch; we had to buy something first. I am a freaking college student! Where is the money going to come from, my ass? I really had to go, so I paid the price. I essentially paid $1.75 to piss. To top it all off, it was the world's grossest bathroom, I am pretty sure it broke some standards. Grafitti on the walls, toilet paper on the floor, well you can see for yourself, but the smell. Old dirtied disinfectant. I am unsure what is worth my disgust, the fact that I spent almost two dollars to pee, or the fact that I peed in a bathroom that probably gave me some sort of infectious disease. The argument could be made that they didn't want drug users in the bathroom, but my only reasoning is that they do not desire freeloaders. What has this country come to that a person cannot even demonstrate their own human bodily functions freely?

Credit:ecorations.com

This Awkward Dance

So, there always comes that time in college, you know, the time where the opposite gender gets involved. An awkward dance starts, and the ritual begins, except my ritual is not the same as everyone elses' (of course).
I have been in school since the end of August. Luckily, they have upper classmen to help you move in for your first day. My mover was this nice quiet kid, I swear, most movers take a thing and move on, but he just kept comign back to help me. I tried to talk to him a bit, but he wasn't much of a chatter. When I got into my room, I just didn't think much about it. It turns out this kid is on my floor, and I see him at least a few times a week, and he always waves and smiles. Hell he's even jumped over a row of chairs to sit next to me. Unfortunately that has been his only bold move.
Over eight weeks I have been here, and I just got his number, after I gave mine of first. And so, the dance begins, what beat will it end at? Where will the crescendo grow so soft,that we can't feel the awkwardness anymore?

Credit: ibtimes.com

Living It Out

So my mission in college is to do things that make me nervous or uncomfortable. Here's what four weeks have done for me:

1) Church
I attended a Catholic church service, and that's a big deal. I have always been scared of it.

2) Applying to a service trip
Usually anything that requires me to apply and such makes me nervous because I never feel like I am ever good enough to get in. I handed it in just a few minutes ago, so keep me in your prayers and thoughts!

3) Volunteering
I volunteered at a homeless shelter, and I was scared, I don't know why, it just scared me, not the people necessarily, but the other volunteers weren't as... um cheerful

4) Retreat
I spent a night in the woods with strangers, and it was the best choice I have made since I have been here!

What are things that scare you? Have you accomplished them?

Wanted...

WANTED
Sober Persons Wishing to Have a Good Time

So, as you might be able to tell, I made it to college. My roommate isn't too bad, she doesn't drive me up a wall, but on the other hand, we aren't really alike in personality. I also am not completely unfortunate and cursed with having no friends. On the contrary, after two weeks in college, I have met some cool people, yet on the weekends, a good amount of them have opted to go home on the weekend. What's left? A bunch of people who like to get drunk and forget about what happened to them the night before.
Sounds wonderful, right? Well believe it or not, I actually hate doing that, and therefore feel a bit lonely on the weekends. I really miss my group of friends from back home, and at the same time, I am enjoying my independence and making a new life. Trying to think of new ideas to get myself more involved, but with all of my classes, it's hard to get into school activities. What does one do? Yet it is only the second week in college, so here's hoping for more chances and good times!

Do You Know Me?

I am leaving for college, in a week exactly. This is almost scary. I have the new laptop, the new college bedding. Books are ordered, and I am writing an essay. Since when did life move this fast?

When I was eight, I thought that eighteen was light-years away. Laying in my bed at night, I would stare at the bottom of my sister's mattress above my head, and just try to imagine myself as an eighteen year-old going off to college. What would I be like? Would I be happier, sadder, would I be successful? Would I still like the same things?

I am now eighteen years old, moving towards a college career at a steady pace, and lately, I find myself doing the same exact thing I did when I was eighteen years old. Will I be successful, happier, lonely? Will I have the same friends I have now? People always change in college, how will I change? How will my beliefs, interests, and focus change? Can I stick with the major I chose for myself? Ten years later, I am asking myself the same questions, and I am pretty sure, that in fifty years, I will probably still be wondering.

Working Realities

I have been extremely fortunate this summer to keep two jobs that keep me busy five days during the week. I work on a farm as well as painting a commercial property to be rented soon. I usually work around 9 and then work until about 6-8 at night. This sounds a bit busy for a person who just graduated from high school, but I know I actually have responsibilities.

No I don't pay for college, but I pay for everything else such as the books and my clothes and other sorts of things that I may want. Luckily I don't own my own car or else car insurance and maintenance would be part of it. I have a friend working a summer camp job to pay for car insurance, but she gets paid about $125 a week, averaging about $3 an hour.

I have no idea if other people my age think about these things, because I live in a pretty well off suburb, allowing the kids to party. If they do work, they spend a lot of their free time partying. When it's time to get back to work, they are left with little to no energy. So where is the reality in this? They spend money on tinted windows, big rims, new technology. Do they know what the future holds? Where I live, more and more people are losing their jobs. Big name companies are moving production over seas. So what's left to come? Where is the reality for today's youth?

Photo Credit: dhh.louisiana.gov
www.flickr.com/photos/amagill/362201147/

Don't Want Don't Ask

There is something that I hate more than anything; people who don't take criticism gratefully. It honestly drives me insane. A lot of times people will ask for advice whether it be writing, or cooking or their life. It's always an honor to be considered to do such a task, but a lot of times, after spending time and effort to read and make suggestions, the writer ends up getting offended. I am a very honest person and truly want people to better themselves at whatever they are asking for me to review, so whatever advice I give, you damn well know that I took a lot of time to consider everything and give an honest answer.

It is well known that anyone who does this for you, is trying to help.They take time and energy out of their day to help you fix whatever you are presenting to them. If they didn't care, they wouldn't do it. So why is it, that every time there is negative criticism, the person gets incredibly offended and either accuses you of being mean or telling you that they don't care? Am I supposed to praise them for something I honestly don't think deserves it?

Example, I was reading a story the other day for someone who wanted for me to give some sort of advice. I finally got around to it, and found some things to be a bit weak, so I told them. My response? "I don't care." Well that was the response in not such a polite way. I really got confused on that one. If you can't handle the truth, then stop asking for feedback. That is something I have always been taught. I don't know, maybe I am wrong?

Photo Credit: http://www.fotosearch.com/bthumb/RBL/RBL008/b12562.jpg

The Attack Of Harry Potter

When you are a broke college student, there is nothing you can really do that doesn't cost money. That is, unless of course you start to become creative. This week, a couple of co-workers decided that a group of us should see the new Harry Potter movie. We planned to see it the next night, and it was exciting to have some fun plans with people I don't get to hang out with very often. The thing is, I had really only seen two of them. Lucky for me, one of my friends is a Harry Potter lover, and kindly lent me movies 3, 4, and 5. So what did I do?I spent 7.5 hours of my life curled up in a chair with a bunch of my friends watching Harry Potter movies all night, and I won't lie, it was kind of fun. I had refused to watch the movies before, because I had read up to the fifth book in he series, and put it down, because, frankly, I thought Harry complained too much, and it was starting to wear on my nerves. Thankfully the movie cut it down.

So the big night comes, and I am so excited and pumped since I prepared myself to see the movie! What happens? I can't go. SO now, I have no choice but to find another group of Harry Potter fanatics and make them see it with me, despite the fact that they were there for the midnight showing.


Photo Credits: http://scholarization.files.wordpress.com
minutelynews.com
discdealer.dk

Exposed Truth?

I had a slight Postsecret Addiction when I was youger, and on a whim, I decided to view this week's secrets. When I stumbled upon this one, I couldn't help but become extremely interested. It's not an opinion, but a stated fact. Whoever submitted this secret wholeheartedly believes in this sttement. It is their truth. So I had to think.
Do plain women really know more? I have only come to this conclusion; plain women who spend a lot fo guys know more. Some plain women spend their time at home wondering why he hasn't called, or why he doesn't like her, and the really superficial ones care about their looks. The in betweeners are the tom boys, one of the guys. The ones who are told eerything from how often their guys change underwear to masturbation habits. I don't neccesarily think the looks have anything to do with it, more the ones who spend the most time with them. What do you think?

Teleporter

Ok, I got really excited yesterday, because I got my roommate assignment. I was excited but so nervous. What kind of music does she like, is she obnoxious, will there be unwanted boys over every night? I kind of got to know her a little bit through information provided by the school, so I felt a bit better. Unfortunately for me, it was all a fluke.
Turns out she had requested a roommate and ended up in two rooms, so I am officially rommateless for now. I don't know when I get the new one, but I hope she's cool.

--

Anyone like Regina Spektor? I do! Her new album Far is something I consider worth living for. Her new single Laughing With is amazing. Looky here!

And So It Goes

So as it turns out, you can be rejected from eharmony.

Credits: www.woosk.com/2009/02/eharmony-rejection-letter.html

Dating

Ok, so lately, I have noticed my brother has been into typing in Word. I don't mean like small paragraphs. At first I swore to God, that he was interested in starting his own novel, which in turn surprised me, seeing as he isn't really the type to take interest in such a thing. Being the great investigator that I am, I straight out asked what his deal was, and he told me. He met a girl. Because he was kind of pining over his ex still, I congradulated him and asked how they met.

A resiliant red started to creep up into his face, as he stumbled and choked on his words, ambling to skirt around the issue. He actually met her in the internet, and as it turned out, he had met her on eharmony. As it turns out, frustrsted with not finding people with similar views as he, was quite difficult, and so he decided to take on the world of internet matchmaking. He has encouraged my sister to at least try it, since she hasn't really found anyone either.

Jokingly, I told him I would wait til I was about twenty five until I would cave in. I know that internet dating is actually pretty successful, and people get married with the matches they fidn through there. In reality, I know it is a new wave of technology with things to come. In my reality, I am a bit old school. I want to meet my future husband the old fashioned way, with a great story, where an action occurs and startes off a series of spectaculary amazing events. I want to tell my kids that we were introduced, or that I tripped over something and he laughed at me, causing me to hate him for a while. Technology is the thing, and my generation is riding with it, but I am having trouble in enoying the wave.

Photo Credit:www.electronicretailermag.com

PIcnic

So this summer, I have been working pretty hard the past week or so. I am so thankful for having a job, it was hard to find one because no one wanted to hire a college kid. After pulling my hair out, I got an opportunity. It's hard to find beauty sometimes in the economy and such, but I recently picnicked with my friends, and this is what I saw.

I Love

Going to concerts. I was invited to go see the No Doubt and Paramore concert this week, and let me tell you, I was amazed and slightly starstruck. Besides getting to see two pretty awesome groups, my tickets were free! No lie, I have a girl crush on the lead singer of Paramore Hayley Williams, if I could trade places with her, I totally would! She's just got the ability to let it all out on stage, while I have immense stage fright. Also, her hair is totally killer, I wish mine were like hers. Anywho, had an amazing time, and would love to do it all over again!

They Did What?

Ok, so orientation happened at my college earlier this week, and that was alright. I have a five hour commute by train to and from the school, so there isn't usually much to do. It was just my luck, to have a New York Times to read.

The first article I read nearly knocked me out of my seat.
It was an article about weddings. At first it was saying how people are starting to get things like pie and burgers served at their weddings to have that kind of down home feel and kind of get rid of that swanky feeling in weddings. I was silently cheering, because I am a simple girl. That was until I read the next part. Apparently, to have a down to earth wedding, a couple will shell out more money than to have a nicer upscale looking one. Where is the sense in that?

Let me tell you, my wedding will probably be a potluck wedding with bring your own booze. I will be so broke, I'll barely be able to afford living expenses. Anyone else think that's crazy?


Photo Credit: www.wowowow.com

Presents!

Alright, so I was kind of comparing gifts with other people I know, and a lot of kids ended up getting laptops for graduating. I have a laptop, so for now, I have decided not to get one. On the other hand, I could get one, and sell the one I have, so I am stuck between a rock and a hard place. That is beside the point!
True, I did get the graduation money, but I also got a lot of flowers. Personally, I am not a fan of flower bouquets. They are beautiful, there is not denying it, but they die. For some reason when I was younger it used to depress me that they would be killed with the slight purpose that they would be a nice gift for my birthday or something. If the circumstances were different like to brighten a hospital room, I would understand.
The most touching gift, and by far my favorite, were the potted plants that my aunts gave me. I had mentioned that I might be interested in a garden, but wasn't sure. On graduation day, I was handed the arrangements, but also an assortment of marigolds and other flowers that would brighten up my garden. It is one of my favorite gifts I have ever gotten. Screw money, this holds long term sentimental value.

It's Done

I am finally done! Not more high school. I am officially graduated and it feels amazing. There was a small party for close friends and family, but it was nothing big. Feeling a bit antisocial I decided against going to a lot of the graduation parties I was invited to.
It just kind of seems pointless for me to go to a place that I feel no connection to. High school was not cruel to me, but it was not the pinnacle of my life. I am ready to move on and experience new things. Goodbye high school, hello real life.

Photo Credit: www.dreamstime.com

Lunchtime and Friendship

Today my sister took me out to lunch today with some friends. It's her way of saying congratulations for graduating! I was honestly touched by her gesture. Japanese food is a way of bonding amongst the siblings in my family. We think of it as a sign of togetherness. We also all gathered to clean my room afterward, which was a nice gesture. I am a complete slob, and anyone willing to help clean should be dubbed a saint.

Photo Credit:whatscookingamerica.net

Introduction

For me, this is a new beginning, so I am creating a new blog. Who am I? I am a student who is about to graduate that torture they call high school. In a few days, it will all be over, and I will be attending college in the fall. Introduce yourself if you can, I'd like to meet some new people.